Healing Starts with Self-Awareness
Did you ever have a best friend that you can tell all your darkest secrets to without fear of shame or judgement?
Whether it’s talking about a physical discomfort or disease, the stress of life, or your emotional difficulties regarding a relationship, your best friend is so tuned into you they know the real you. They get you–they listen, point out your missteps positively and guide you towards resolution–and help you feel better about your situation. And you get them just the same.
Friendships can be healing. A good friend can make you feel better about yourself, your choices, and light on your feet from the weight lifted off your shoulders! Wouldn’t it be great if you could have that friend around you 24/7?
What if you could be so in tune with yourself that you trust yourself as much as you trust your best friend?
That’s what self-awareness is for me. To be so tuned into myself—my body, my mind and my emotions—and trust myself completely of my thoughts, actions and the outcome.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE SELF-AWARE?
Being self-aware is paying attention to everything about you internally. Your body, your mind, your emotions.
Think about how you take for granted the air you breathe, the ground you walk on and driving to work. These are rote behaviors that are never thought about, yet are experienced throughout each day. Our minds work the same way. Your body, your mind and your emotions are working together to get you through your day, and you do it without ever thinking about what’s driving them.
When I first met my husband, he was practicing yoga as I was. He said to me, “I can feel how strong my fingers are from practicing yoga.” My first reaction was to laugh as you probably are laughing right now—sounds funny, right? Yet I couldn’t stop thinking about his comment. I started observing my finger movements in the mundane. Grasping and letting go of objects, picking up a broom and sweeping the house, even typing on my laptop. My new observation of something so basic made me realize how strong my fingers were as well and I hadn’t noticed it because I wasn’t aware to look for it. And when I’m not practicing yoga I can feel how much weaker my fingers become.
That same awareness can be brought to your thoughts and your emotions. In my blog post Mindful Shifts for Understanding Your Expectations I talk about how having an understanding—or awareness—of your expectations can have an impact on both your thoughts and your emotions.
Being self-aware of your thoughts and emotions means listening to them without applying shame, judgement or guilt. You remain detached as if you are watching a stranger or hearing a friend confide in you. This detachment allows you to observe the thought or emotion as if you are solving a problem in which the outcome doesn’t impact you.
HOW DOES SELF-AWARENESS BRING HEALING?
It’s that self-awareness and trust in yourself that brings healing. For those of you that have children, think about how in tune you are with your kids. You know when they are hungry, angry, sad or mad. Whether they are infants or teenagers, you know their moods and when they are not well—and your children trust you to care for their needs.
Yet many of us don’t bring that same awareness to ourselves because we are so busy with external distractions such as work, kids, spouses, aging parents and many other activities. We don’t take the time to look internally to support ourselves and our wellbeing.
And for those of us who have experienced trauma in our lives, trusting yourself can be difficult. In the past I did everything I could to avoid the thoughts in my head—the negative self-talk, questioning if I was a bad person, yet blaming everyone else for my problems. I claimed I was a survivor, yet my victim mindset didn’t know who to trust—not even myself. My emotions were driven by anger and fear and my default reactions always founded on defensive behaviors.
It wasn’t until I learned to be self-aware that my mindset changed, and my healing began. Being self-aware brings healing by gaining trust in your own thoughts. In doing so you become your own advocate for what you need physically, mentally and emotionally.
Being self-aware can bring healing in several ways. Having a clearer perception of your body, mind and emotions allows you to change your default behaviors of reaction to a new mindset of taking thoughtful action. It’s about slowing down to listen carefully to what your inner self is telling you what you need.
See the SELF-AWARENESS HEALTH CHART below for illustration:
In the Self-Awareness Health Chart, notice the Thoughts in the Without Awareness section. Remember your best friend above? Are those negative words what you would say to them if they came to you for support? What about the Reactions, is that something that you would recommend to your friend to help them?
Now look at the With Awareness section. Your new thoughts—through questioning and observation — provide introspection and guidance, similar in how you might talk with your friend to help them work through a problem. And the Actions are the guidance and counsel you might offer them as a suggestion.
As you can see in the Self-Awareness Health Chart, the outcomes in having self-awareness show a more positive path to resolution, and healthier alternatives in your actions. Thoughtful actions vs default reactions is what creates healing of your body, mind and emotions.
SO HOW DOES ONE BECOME SELF-AWARE?
Being self-aware all the time takes practice since our default behavior is to move through life as if on autopilot. I’ve outlined a few ways you can begin practicing self-awareness.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is taking a moment to engage in all your senses. You can do this while eating your lunch, taking a walk, sitting on your front stoop watching the neighbors go by, or looking out the window at work for a few minutes.
In each of these moments, listen carefully to the sounds. Look around and smell the air. Feel the sensations in your body from your toes to your head. Detach yourself from your surroundings and be an observer.
The act of being mindful brings more awareness to yourself and your surroundings.
Practice Meditation
Meditation is similar to mindfulness, yet what you are observing is internal. There are many forms of meditation and I’ll be posting a blog series in the coming weeks on those different types of meditations. But for now, try this simple exercise.
For this exercise, I recommend a quiet place without interruption for meditation. By default, most of us turn on music or the tv to drown out our thoughts in the background. The silence of a quiet room will assist you to put the focus to your thoughts.
Begin by practicing mindfulness only this time close your eyes. Notice your senses. Once you have become aware of all your senses, listen carefully to your thoughts and emotions. Examine them, still as an observer. Whatever comes through your mind, do not let them interrupt your stillness. There’s no need to resolve anything right now. There’s no need to react to anything in this moment as you are safe. As in mindfulness, detach from your thoughts and observe. Imagine they are right in front you—walking down the street in your neighborhood—like watching a parade of your thoughts and emotions go by.
Meditation is the practice of bringing more awareness to your mind and emotions.
Journaling
Journaling is a great way to work through your thoughts to identify what is the cause of your default thoughts and how you might be able to change those thoughts. Writing in a journal brings a certain honesty to your thoughts, which helps you gain clarity on what you are thinking and feeling.
For more information on journaling, read my blog posts Journaling for Emotional Support, and How to Start Journaling in 6 Easy Steps.
Journaling is the practice of writing down your thoughts and emotions regarding certain events to bring a deeper awareness to them.
START YOUR HEALING JOURNEY
If you’d like to start on your healing journey, self-awareness is a great way to begin. Being self-aware is about slowing down to listen to your thoughts, emotions, and body signals. This awareness, with practice, will guide you to make more positive choices for your physical, mental and emotional health.
Being aware allows you to grow in your well-being. It’s important to be an observer and bring detachment to your awareness. Practicing mindfulness, meditation, and journaling will help you maintain that awareness and it becomes part of your new default behavior.
With practice you can change your thoughts, which will change your default reactions to thoughtful actions. With self-awareness you will become a better advocate for yourself and become your own trusted best friend.
Try the 10 Steps to Self-Awareness Experiment to get started on your journey to healing!